“What if it continued? 97’ —Wayne Rooney scores. 101’ —Wayne Rooney scores. 103’ —Ryan Giggs scores (in a non-euphemistic manner). 108’ —Arsene Wenger decides his team desperately needs a young, speedy midfielder. 110’ —Wayne Rooney scores. 114’ —Dimitar Berbatov scores from the bench. 116’ —Bebe scores from Besiktas. 119’ —Samir Nasri texts the score to Cesc Fabregas. Cesc reads it and goes back to sleep. Xavi makes him eggs. 122’ —Wayne Rooney scores. …”